Dear Baby

NOTE:  I am NOT pregnant. 

Today a baby threw up on me.  So naturally, the thought that followed was to write MY baby a love letter that I can share with it in the future.  Here is what will probably be the first of many.

Dear baby,

While you may not exist yet, I think of you, long for you, get excited about you, and ache to have you often.  I can’t wait for you to come into my life and change my world.  You will be perfect.   I’m not sure I can even express how much I crave to hold you in my arms tightly and safely against me.  To cuddle you.  To kiss you a million times and then kiss you a million times after that, and after that, and after that.  To give you baths.  To feed you.  To hold your little feet in my hands and kiss your toes.  To watch you grow and get the cutest fat rolls on your arms and thighs.  To hear you cry and laugh and make baby noises.  To watch you discover and learn.  To see you grow strong and crawl and walk.  To hear you say mine and Daddy’s names.  Your daddy and I, (while I may not be sure of who he is yet) will love you unconditionally and forever.  Mommy is a clean freak and does NOT like messy dirty germs but I will love you when you’re messy.  I will love you when you throw up on me.  I will love you when I change your diapers.  I will love you when you’re sticky.  I will love you when you’re smelly.  I will love you after you have discovered how good cake is.  You will be so loved, baby.  You will have the best grandparents that any baby could have and you will grow up having the most amazing aunts and uncle possible.  I hope and pray with all my heart that you will know just how much you’re loved from the moment we meet.  My heart aches to have you, to fall in love with you, and to learn how to be a good mommy for you.   I know I still have a while before that can happen..but it’s ok.  I have a lot to learn before you can rock my world…and until then I promise I will be anxiously waiting, learning, growing, and preparing for you until the day you arrive. 

I love you always,

Mommy

Thoughts.

I feel like....A punching bag.  I've been hit over and over and over and over again this week and I am tired.  Long days and little amounts of sleep and a hurting heart and on the verge of tears at any given moment in the day.  It's been rough and it's already Saturday which means that I have to back to school tomorrow.  This semester is starting out bad.  I shouldn't feel this way.  Part of me is happy to be in school.  To get one more semester finished...to get closer to being done and doing what I actually want to be doing.  But at the same time, part of me just feels like I can't do it.  I. Am. Exhausted.  My dreams feel farther and farther away as time passes and all the while people around me are moving forward and away leaving me behind to what?  To sit at a small desk and listen to someone talk about...nothing for hours? Right now I am cynical and moody and sad and hurting and.....you name it. That's not how I should be..I know.  I should be happy and energetic and hopeful and bright or whatever fuzzy feeling that comes to your mind..but things just seem bleak..and it sucks...and for now, I'm not quite sure how it's going to get better yet.  I hope your week was great and that your weekend is even better. 

Sometimes...

 Ok, let's face it.  All the time!...I think about my future and look forward to the things I haven't experienced that will hopefully and eventually come.  Marriage, sex, babies, maybe a puppy, and owning a HOME! Owning a house is one if the biggest things that I am excited about when it comes to my future.  I'm an artist (photographer)...and the thought of decorating my house and painting and making things look pretty and rustic and casual and elegant all at the same time is thrilling.  My absolute ultimate dream would be to build my own house exactly the way I want it..but I'm tryin' to be real about that one.  Just thought I would share my longing! =) Here are a few pictures of elements in different houses that I love. 

Pictures via Pinterest!

 Ummm Blue counters! So cool!!

Night in Pictures

Tonight was pretty good.  It started with an hour long work out and is ending with ice cream along with laundry and dishes in the middle! Hope your night is relaxing as well.

Weekend Nostalgia

A few years ago on my way to school in the morning I was listening to the John Tesh radio show on 101.7 the beach and he said something that blew my mind.  He said that Monday is actually NOT the worst day of the week.  No.  It's Tuesday because the happy feelings of your weekend have completely evaporated and the reality of school or work or whatever it may be, have officially settled back in.  Guys...it's totally true! (yes, I know that Monday was a holiday this week so technically    today would really fall into the Monday category...but still!!)  I am so feeling the Tuesday slump or whatever you wanna call it cause my weekend was good and I'm ready for the next one! Thursday I went home after work and hung out with everybody at my house.  Friday I rode with my mom to drop my little brother off at winter camp, cleaned the house, and then went to outback for dinner.  Then me, my family, and the bf watched Super 8 together.  Saturday my sisters and mom and I got up early and went with our friends Janine, Sue and Corinne to find Amanda's wedding dress here in San Jose.  She found one.  It's pretty.  I'm excited.  Sunday was church and red lobster and Monday was absolutely NOTHING! I love not doing things...And I know that makes it sound like I'm lazy..but I swear I'm not.  Occasionally I just like to have those days where I sleep in early, wake up and take as long of a shower as I want, and then lay on the couch completely submerged in blankets all warm the rest of the day.  It's like therapy!  I can't wait for next weekend to come.  I might be taking my sister's engagement photos and I'm really excited!

Warning! This isn't a happy post.

 (Picture via Pinterest)
Some days this is hard if not almost impossible to believe.  Maybe tomorrow...or the next day..it will be easier.  The end.
Hope your week has been great so far. 

New Year's resolution

We're ten days into 2012 and I've been thinking a lot about New Year's resolutions.  Usually I don't like when people make new year's resolutions because I feel like they are pointless promises that people make to themselves and end up breaking them a few months later.  I don't think that I have ever made new year's resolutions before because I knew that I would not be able to stick to them.  That being said, I decided to try it this year and see how it goes! Here's a few that I have made.  =)

I promise to…

Drink lots of water

Be a good student

Be a good daughter and sister

Be a good girlfriend

Be the best photographer that I can be

Take care of my body

Exercise

Read my bible more

Pray for OTHERS more

Grow in wisdom

Save/spend my money wisely

Get more sleep

Blog more

Experiment with new styles and dress better

Smile more!

(Me and my friend Cassie on New Year's Eve)
 

So there is my list of little goals and promises to myself this year.  I'm going to try hard to stick to all of these.  We'll see how it goes! What are your New Year's resolutions? Feel free to share!